I'm out of the funk.

Thankyou all so much for your kind words of wisdom and I especially like the 'suck it up' one. I can get down pretty quickly when my back is involved. But after 2 days of sulking and alot of thinking I am back to my old self and have enjoyed this weekend. I have accomplished alot over the last 2 days both in the water and on land. And the fact that my back has not gotten any worse due to the activities has given me some much needed relief. I wonder if it's the effects of the oral anti-inflammatory's I am taking - I have a sneaky suspicion it just may be. Either way I did heaps this weekend.

Top Notch Performance and Health and Panthers Tri Club had their last free swim session yesterday and I wanted to make the most of it and learn some more skills in the water that would help me gain strength and speed. Wow, this session was hard - I know this because I haven't actually felt this spewy for a while. I think the last time I felt it was when I was training for the World Masters Championships last year. We did so many challenging drills but they were so much fun. Here's what we did:

• 400m Fr/s warm up
• 100m Rock n' Roll breathing every 10 kicks
• 100m one armed R n' R breathing every 10 kicks
• 100m R n' R breathing every 3 strokes
• 100m sculling with arms out front for 25, Fr/s for 25
• 100m sculling with arms below shoulders for 25, Fr/s for 25
• 100m stroke tap. Have board between legs do a Fr/s stroke then as hand exits water it taps the board behind you.
• 7 x 100m on 1:40
• 4 x 25m deep water starts into a full sprint.
• Then a relay race.

Now can you see why I felt like bringing up the sausage sandwich I ate after the swim. Probably not a wise idea consuming food so close to finishing a hard session. Lesson learnt.

Then this morning I decided to go for a spin with Aliyah along the M7 bike track. I went out with all intentions to stay connected to the saddle for 2 hours. I lasted 1hr 40min and cycled approximately 35kms. Felt like I had gone further than that, my legs were knackered by the end of it. But, in my journey's I survived my first magpie attack. The little critter dive bombed my head about 4 times, and if it hadn't of been for the sun being behind me and it casting a shadow in front of me I would have only heard the flapping of it's wings and not known its angle of attack.

I also have to take the bike back to get the gears checked or tightened. Sometimes they were going in and other times they weren't in the small chain ring so I had to do the majority of the ride in the big chain ring. Maybe that's why my legs feel so caned. Anyway, I had a great time and glad I got out into the glorious Australian sun.

Reality.

Yesterday was one of those 'lightbulb over the head' days. Not for any one particular reason but for many small reasons. My brain was just firing random thoughts and funnily enough they were all making huge sense. Some were not good and others were like 'hell yeah' thoughts. So I will try to explain:

1. I think that no matter what I do or how much I strengthen my core or how many injections I have, my back will always be an issue. Clearly, these second lot of injections have not worked. I can still feel my nerve upon laying flat on my back or bending over for any period of time. Did I think that I would be free from it all if I stayed really diligent with everything I was told to do? - YES. Do I think that it's not fair that this may just be the cross that I will have to bear? - YES. But upon reassessing my thought's before they spiralled way out of control, I started wondering what makes me so special to think that I should be free from any troubles, ever. People the whole world over have issues and drama's that they have to live with daily, I am not any more special then they are. I just have to accept and make the best of it. Accepting and embracing my condition is not failure, it is being smart. I am expending too much energy constantly fighting this battle and trying to win, maybe learning to show my aches and pains and show that I have my weaknesses is what it is all about. Showing my vulnerabilities to myself is what it's all about.
   
2. I attempted another walk/run yesterday and although I felt good, I am starting to wonder if my attempts at this running thing are futile. I think this is my fourth attempt at trying to master the art of this sport and everytime I do - something happens. Maybe it's all about just trying to hang on - with white knuckle grip to my 70.3 dream and seeing it through and then that's it. I've not known anyone to have as many drama's as me when it comes to running. I mean it would be good if all Tri's were just 2.5km in run distance but they are not. I could stick to doing those but that's not what I enjoy. I enjoy the thrill of pushing myself, to see how far I can get. But am I trying too hard to realise a dream? And at what cost?
   
3. Swimming, has and always will be my strength. Nothing about it bothers me. Even when I have just finished my hardest session - my thoughts are never negative. I am always thinking - gees I feel strong. I like knowing that others see me as competition in the water - I always have. I like knowing that when people hear my name in and around the pools they think 'man, she's a good swimmer'. It's a buzz for me and makes me realise that I still have it. I am still a force to be reckoned with.
   
4. My cycling continues to get better. My legs feel more powerful on each revolution and I feel the benefits of having a new bike and attending spin class. When I look back to how scared I was on that first ride and how unable I was to maintain a good tempo - I realise I have come along way. However, I am also doing battle once again with wondering how my back will hold up over a long ride.
   
5. Is it possible to be classed as both the 'tortoise and the hare' in any one race? What does that make me? A tortare. I told you I was having random thoughts.

I think somehow I had thought that when I started this journey that I would get to a point when things would just simply get easier. That all my consistency and determination in the running arena would one day pay off. That my back would just realise that I have done my time and just leave me alone. Maybe not. Maybe it's all about survival.

Even Steven's week.

Yesterday was the day for my second set of jabs. Today was my second attempt at tackling the hill and I am pleased to announce I did it twice. It's seeming that nothing is impossible with my new found love Aliyah. There is just such a connection between us that I find hard to explain. Maybe it's the fact that I waited so long to get her that has made every ride to date just supremely magical.

I no longer look at the hill as an unattainable goal, but rather I now see it as something I can conquer many times over. And the more I attempt it, I only imagine that I will get better at it.

Reviewing today's ride, the only thing that really sticks out in my mind is the fact that a truck tooted it's horn as it was approaching me. Was that to signal it's impending approach so I could hold on dearly when the gush of wind went past or was it to scare the living daylights out of me. Not sure, but I kind of got the wobbles when he did it as I was so not expecting it. Maybe that's why he did it, just to get a good old chuckle at the newbie (or as Macca likes to call it "Hubbard").

I also tried getting down into the drop bars - slightly awkward at first but I think I managed to look relatively comfortable in such a position. I couldn't hold it for long though as my back is still slightly tender. The injections haven't quite worked their charm this time around which is a bit annoying really. Anyhooo, complaining isn't going to make it any better.

So tomorrow is swim day and Friday is spin class with physio mixed in between it all. Got a phone call from Lisa today checking up on the outcome of my injections. She is so sweet, who else does that. Who else remember's that - I mean it's not like I am her only patient. I feel really blessed that she cares that much about me.

Anyway, looking forward to tomorrow. Looking forward to a good old fashioned swim.

Jabbed for the second time.

Since my last lot of cortisone injections about a month again - which happened to give me about 2 weeks relief, things have been steadily going back to the the way it has always been. That nerve twinge just doesn't seem to want to relent. So off to the the sports med Doc I went again, however this time I was not scared. I had the Emla patches ready to go on the work site and I was in the right frame of mind.

The ladies at the front desk know me now as the lady who has the needle phobia. Quite funny really, because I don't really have a phobia of needles, only the ones that are about 5cms long that go into my back. I mean really, what's not to be scared of. What happens if he gets and itch or worse still, he sneezes.....

This time I wasn't so lucky to come out unscathed. I had real trouble trying to get the patches on by myself and as such had to tape the things onto my back because I kept missing the area. So I think I missed the X marks the spot. The left side went well, didn't feel a thing. The right side was a different story. I felt the needle, anaesthetic and cortisone, not as bad I had imagined but nonetheless it was not something I was expecting. I was trying to stay relaxed and breathe through the procedure but I all I could do was feel my butt cheeks clench up. Breathe, breathe - find your happy place. And before I knew it, it was all done.

I really do like him as a doctor, not sure if he can say the same about me as a patient. I am not one of those painful whingy whiney patient's but I talk alot, and my nerves make me talk more. I wonder if he wishes that I had a MUTE button.

Anyway, this morning I do feel better. Not 100%, but better than yesterday. This time it hasn't been as effective, but I am still staying positive and trying to stay focused on all my exercises and maintaining the fitness, which is of utmost importance.

So, today is another bike ride - of course. What else did you expect. Have a great day all.

My first walk/run back in forever.

Walked up to the chemist and back to get my Emla patches for my cortisone injections this afternoon. Two kilometres is all I did and apart from twinges in my back, my legs feel great.

What a glorious day.

Today just couldn't get any more magnificent - blue skies, slight breeze, deliciously warm sun and the beckoning of the M7 bike track - which of course I heeded. How could I pass up an opportunity to ride, on what I can only be classed as the best Winter's day ever. Mel and I decided to just ride with no particular destination only that at the 45 minute mark we were to turnaround and head back.

So off we set chatting along the way and when some of the hills required less talk that is what we did too. It's not that the hills are hugely steep they are just a constant gradual incline to the point that your wondering when you will finally reach the top. The good thing is that once you reach the top there is always a decline, and boy - do I let it rip. I love the feeling of freedom I get as the wind is whooshing past my ears, I feel so alive. But I am sure those thoughts could quickly change should I get the wobbles.

As I pedalled strongly, I continued to play with the gears up hill and down hill to get a really good feel of all the different ranges this beautiful Aliyah has. And even though I felt some of those inclines in my quads - I know I would have felt them more on my flat bar roadie. Clicking in and out of the cleats feels like second nature, I don't even find myself thinking of it as I come to a stop. So in my mind this means this bike and I were meant to be.

The one thing I can't find myself getting used to is the pain in the nether regions. At what point is this meant to feel better? Any ideas of time frame would be much appreciated. I keep hearing the more time spent in the saddle the easier it will get, but heck - it hurts.

But I won't complain too much, today was a great day. We covered 26km - so not a great distance but this was Mel's first time of the bike track. Next time we go for longer - can't wait.

Memorable.

Yesterday was a day that I will remember forever for many reasons. Firstly I got to have my first short ride with 'Aliyah'. I must admit I was extremely nervous, and if I had to pinpoint the reasons why, I think it was because:

1. She is brand spanking new.
2. I was taking her out the road.
3. What happens if I couldn't clip out of my pedals on time.
4. The whole gear thing is new to me
5. What if, what if, what if........

So the only way I know to get rid of nerves is to just stop procrastinating and just do it. So on went the shoes and out the door I stepped for my first momentous ride. I clipped my right foot in and started on my merry way and found that the left foot found it's position really easily - I didn't even get the 'death wobbles' in the process. And as I continued to pedal away, I quickly realised that this bike was awesome. Even on my bumpy bitumen road she was smooth - or maybe I was just so enamored that I just didn't pay attention, highly likely.

As I continued on the 8km home loop I once again was faced with the infamous hill and knew that at some point I was going to have to figure out my gears - so I probably had about 500m to do so. I remember Macca at Panther's Cycles saying "be confident when changing gears, give them a good tap", which is what I did and I got it mastered - no probs. The hill still felt challenging but I don't know, something made me feel invincible, and even though I was panting harder than any canine I know, I made it up the hill with Aliyah.

On the home stretch I decided to go and vote so I stopped by home and thought to myself I will just get dressed and drive back up. What was I thinking? I have a brand new bike that is beckoning to be ridden, so I got back on and rode up only to realise half way that I forgot my ID - so back home I went. Back up the hill I went and to the local public school to vote in Australia's most messed up election ever - well that's my opinion. When I got to the school I felt like a movie star - 4 volunteers (guys) where drooling over Aliyah. I couldn't take her in with me so I entrusted her to one - but made sure I gave him the look of you 'touch you suffer serious consequences'.

All in all as I was riding home I kept thinking, this has got to be the best bike ever made. The colour's are to die for, she is so light and I can't hear anything that is out of place. Just silence. She is awesome.

Today was also memorable because I got to meet Amanda, misszippy and her gorgeous family after her 35km bush run in the mountains. I wouldn't have missed this opportunity for anything in the world.
As Amanda ran passed me I yelled out "Go Amanda" so she could see I was right there, cheering her on. When she finished and had her timing chip taken off and she had a drink , she walked over and I gave her a big hug to welcome her to Australia, for finishing such a tough race, and for being a great bloggersphere friend.

We had a great afternoon spent chatting over some yummy coffee's and hot chocolates, whilst our kids - who got on like a house on fire, enjoyed hot chocolates and spiders (like a root beer float). This will be forever etched in my mind as a wonderful memory. Can't wait to do it all again, only next time I will be in the States. I hope you have a wonderful and safe trip back home Amanda and family.
What a day. I am happy.