Tuesday, February 5, 2013

You can't just stay down.

Over every mountain there is a path
Although it may not be seen from the valley
~ Theodore Roethke ~

Reality. Had I have read this last week when I got the news, I would have told Theodore where he could have put his quote. And it was some place that would have made it quite uncomfortable to walk for the poor chap.


Because something that I wanted to do really badly was taken away from me. Not because those who decided the fate were doing it to be horrible humans, they were doing it because that was their job. To look after their patients. But I didn't see it that way. My Ironman dream was gone. Just like that. All I heard was "Barb, your out of cycling for 5 weeks and then you need to rehab and strengthen muscles". I said "so that means I cant do Ironman" and she said "unfortunately no". From that point on I don't think I heard much more. I know in my head it is just a race, but really every race I have done has been used to take me a step away from the person that I was back in 2008/2009 when I started this whole journey.

I was angry. Angry that yet again I had to stop. Angry that my body was choosing to stop. Didn't it get that everything I was doing - the early mornings, the weightloss, the conditioning, good food, hours of training and trying for the last 4yrs was all for it. And once again it was like it wanted to set me another challenge - another wall to have to climb over. I was so FREAKIN' over having to start all over again. I wanted to just wake up and go out if I wanted to to and take my bike for a spin with my friends or go for a run (even if slow). I just wanted to BE for ONCE.


Sob story over. And I now whole heartedly agree with Theodore. He is quite a smart individual. All I needed to do was step back and look at what was right in front of me the whole time. Swimming has been what I have enjoyed my whole life. Swimming is what gives me comfort. Swimming is where I get the greatest peace of mind. So whilst I let the bones in my legs and feet heal, I shall swim. Well, I shall swim in about 2 weeks - self imposed complete and utter leg rest. And then - when that is done - I am going to swim until I grow myself a set of gills. 

I have a goal. And for me it's big. I needed something to replace my BIG goal of Ironman. Im not ever excluding Ironman - but if I am completely honest with myself - shin splints x 3, stress injuries to my feet x 2 and twisted ankles x 3 (since 2009) is a pretty big red light warning of my body telling me it really struggles with running. Atleast thats how I see it. So my future I believe will be in team events for Triathlons where I can swim and ride or just do solo swims. This still puts a smile on my face. I still get to do things with my friends. So I am happy. A wise friend once told me "There is always something out there to challenge us, and the stuff that happens to change your plans is just that. A guidance, not an ending". Thanks Lance.

Im looking forward to my next challenge.

Your hard work will be rewarded.

"The path to a dream is paved with sacrifices and lined with determination. And though it has many stumbling blocks along the way, and may go in more than one direction, it is travelled by belief and courage and conquered with a willingness to face challenges and take chances" Barbara Cage