To the the "low headspace" and the "physical fatigue". I hadn't wanted you around in the first place. You tried ever so hard to take a hold but it is with extreme jubilation that I say farewell to thee.
The last week was for me by far the toughest. Harder than any training session I had done. Harder than any race I have gone in. Atleast when you are training or racing you have an end in sight. The end of the tunnel is there and you can see it you just have to work to getting there. But when you feel so down in all sense of the word and really don't have a reason as to why - it is hard to stay focused in trying to stay in control.
Your mind is really good at playing tricks on you and makes you question your strength and resolve. The fatigue which is associated with it all feels downright depressing. I should have listened when my coaches, family and friends kept telling me to take a rest. But I felt so good and physically I felt on top of the world. However I guess my slump hit a month late and when it hit - it hit HARD. Even if I wanted to get out there - I just couldn't. And the more I tried to analyse why it was I was feeling the way I was, the worse I felt.
With all my sulking and momentary seclusion from the world I came across this really good piece of literature sent through from my coach. Everything on it is what I was and am still to some degree feeling. Click here to have a read. I have never been good at listening when people tell me to stop and rest but it seems I have no other alternative for now.
So now I am being forced to rest. I have had 90% of last week off and now all of this week as well and in a way even though at first I saw it as a complete imposition - I am now relishing in the rest. I have gone for some leisurely walks, spent some serious time catching up with my family/friends and have just come back from a wonderful night away in the hills with the family.
Have I missed training? Initially yes (like crazy) and then the need to train fizzled. But I am so happy to report that I am feeling the need to get back into it from deep down inside each and every cell. I am longing to get back out with my friends on the roads and tracks. I am yearning for that camaraderie and feeling of mateship.
I need to make sure I behave for this week as I have Yeppoon to train for and I need to be fighting fit for it. It seems the old Barb is resurfacing. She couldn't hide for too long.