Monday, April 25, 2011


Like a pendulum - thats my emotions at this point in time. One minute I am confident in my abilities, the next I am nervous as hell and doubting every square inch of myself inside and out. I have even found myself getting all choked up just thinking about the day. At random times too I might add. In the supermarket, driving the car, having a shower, typing this post. It's when I least expect it that I feel overcome with emotion.

What makes me tear up? All of it. Being scared more than anything I think. Scared that I won't be able to finish. Scared that even though I have done all my training that I won't be able to do it. Scared that maybe I have bitten off more than I can chew. And I know deep down that I can do this, I just need to keep telling myself that I can - I have just never been good at "feeling confident in myself". I have never been good at "tooting" my own horn, if anything ask my closest friends - I am the one who is always finding things to downplay myself.

I want to feel strong and brave but I don't want to let myself down. I don't want to put expectations on myself only to come crashing down. This whole not knowing business scares me. Atleast when I swim I know my abilities and can say without a shadow of a doubt that I feel confident, but I can't say the same thing about the other two. I think what's getting me is the fear of the unknown.

I guess after this Sunday I will have an answer to the "unknown". Come this Sunday I will have embarked on a dream. I will have made it to the top of the mountain I have been climbing for the last 6mths of training. Come this Sunday my name will be called as I cross that finish line and I WILL not be nervous anymore, I WILL not doubt myself anymore because I will have laid to rest those demons.

Until then - I AM NERVOUS.

Your hard work will be rewarded.

"The path to a dream is paved with sacrifices and lined with determination. And though it has many stumbling blocks along the way, and may go in more than one direction, it is travelled by belief and courage and conquered with a willingness to face challenges and take chances" Barbara Cage