Yoga and me

Cant even begin to describe what an amazing experience I have had over the last 2 Monday's. It has come just at the right time - thanks Matt. You really have brought clarity to my life by introducing me to this wonderful art. It is something I have always thought about but never really engaged in. And I must admit - it seems I am a bit of a natural at this gentle yet challenging art.

I love how it makes my mind just be still and how I am forced to focus on my breathing and every part of my body. And as Eva talks I can literally connect with every word and get in touch with every cell within my body to help restore calm and tranquility. Quite a new experience for this flighty Piscean.

I never realised how flexible I still was. As a child I could pretty much contort into any shape I asked my body to get into but obviously age and life have their drawbacks, if you don't continue to stretch things get stiff. But it seems my upper body and lower back are still quite flexible.

This is now part of my weekly routine - one I will continue for forever and a day. I really think this was made for me. The one thing I have realised though is that I have absolutely no balance on one leg. Especially trying the eagle pose below.

It was like watching a tree being cut down by a lumberjack. Slowly but surely I would start leaning to one side and before I knew it I would topple over only to regain composure and try it again. I couldn't stop giggling.

At the end of every class we lay on our backs and relax for a few minutes and go through a series of meditation. Eva places this beautiful balm on our foreheads that smells like heaven. I feel at home. Can't wait till next Monday.

If you haven't tried Yoga. I suggest you do. You will never be the same again.

Express Glass Ocean Challenge

Yep, that's my back. That looks like a typical swimmers V back but I am sure it's more the camera angle. Either way, I love my shirt and I earnt every thread, fibre in that shirt today. Why? Well, I overcame so much today and in the end came out of it a much stronger person emotionally. I beat those head demons for sure.

As usual I woke up super early but I did have a great nights sleep which is extremely unusual for me - as most of my friends know and my poor husband. I don't know why I wasn't super freaked out the night before but something inside me just felt at peace. I just kept saying to myself - Tomorrow will be okay. Believe in yourself and all will be good.

So when I woke up this morning, even though I was slightly nervous it was very different to other race day's. I knew there was nothing I could do to change the day - it was what it was and that was all there was to it. Breakfast went down easy too - I wasn't gagging or heaving to swallow my brekkie.

Arriving at the Coogee, I did start to get nervous. Thought's of Yeppoon came flooding back. I really didn't want this to be a repeat event. But I thought the only way to find out was to just go for it. Lucky I had my beautiful family there and can you believe it - no photo with my hubby. I felt so bad. But he later told me he was just happy to be there watching me do something that I love - swimming.

I quickly registered and got my arm marked with my famous "211" race number and sat around waiting for it all to start. I ran across Spot Anderson, as always that dynamic smile and personality made me feel comfortable and he told me not to forget about warm up with them and then Joey and Kristy turned up. So happy I was to see their smiling faces. So happy I was to be sharing today with them.

Pretty soon it was time to go and warm up but not before Kristy and I got a photo with Bondi Fit and Spot Anderson. It felt really nice to be included in their club shot. And then it was time to warm up.

WHOA, talk about freezing water. I think the water was 18.9 degrees but boy did it feel sub zero. It took my breath away and made my head feel like I had brain freeze. All I could think of was those poor people in the Titanic and how cold they must have felt. Yeah I know - strange thought - but it did cross my mind. And then I kept saying - just stay focused. It will warm up and if it doesn't - swim faster.

And then it was time to line up - Kristy and I wandered over and we gave eachother a hug and wished eachother luck. So glad she was there.

And then, we were off. I took off relatively slowly I felt and heard Spot scream out - "GO PANTHERS". With that I dove in and started swimming. Wave after small wave I swam through trying to gauge which way the current was taking me. But I couldn't feel any current, all I could feel was chop. And then I started to be pulled to the left as did everyone else. There seemed to be this cross current that we were battling so all I could do was keeping swimming on an angle to the first can.

I seemed to be doing pretty well in my breathing and timing it and kept remembering Spot's words "If you want more oxygen - breathe more", so I breathed every second stroke and then swapped sides when I fatigued on that side. I could just see that I kept passing people all the time and for once I didn't feel scared. I kept looking at the ocean floor and seeing it change from beautifully clear rippled sand to rocks with weeds to then total darkness as I hit the back end. The swell got a bit more intense and waves got messy and choppy and I just tried my hardest to stay focused on counting down the cans and then looking up to see how many purple caps were in front of me.

On the way back in there was this lady in a wetsuit beside me with a blue cap and I kept focusing on her to make sure she didn't slip too far from my view. I deemed her my pacer. So thankyou blue capper - you kept me on track. As we got closer I saw 2 purple caps start to overtake me - one was male and the other a lady. We stayed pretty much on par until the very last minute where they both got a wave and I missed it. I kept swimming until I felt sand at my fingertips and then got up and started trying to run up the bank. Before I knew it I got smashed by a wave from behind and found myself spinning in a pretty circle and then trying to redeem composure for my run up the sand bank through the finishers chute.

It was great to see the kids smiling faces waiting for me and then seeing Stephen and Joey's face up top waving as I went through. Not far behind me was Kristy - she did amazing and came out smiling from the surf too. Well done Kristy. Such an accomplishment.

As we both walked back to the boys with the kids - what a sense of pride and accomplishment I felt. I had done it and conquered that which I thought I may never. I was on top of the world. It was great to feel hugs from Stephen.

It was then Joey's turn to do the 2.4km swim. He is so brave - far braver than I. And he did amazing. Well done Joey - you too accomplished an awesome goal today. I think we will all sleep soundly tonight.

As we were driving home I asked Taillah to have a look at Multisport Australia for my time. What a shock I got to find out I came 4th in my age group.

WooHoo. Just what I needed today. It was a real boost to my self esteem.

Now my next challenge is Bondi to Bronte 2.4km swim next Sunday. That one may require more self control the night before. But here's to me for trying.

The Cycling Cerebellums

To the right of my page you will notice a pretty cool looking logo. I can hear all the cogs ticking over in your minds about what it stands for.

Let me explain.

Over a year ago in the lowlands of Richmond on a training ride, Elissa and I decided we would like to do a big ride for a cause. With all the different charity rides there are around we wanted one that had a personal connection to one of us. So it was decided that we would fundraise for the ward I used to work on.

The Commercial Travellers Ward

at

The Children's Hospital at Westmead.

The Commercial Travellers Ward is a Neuromedical/Neurosurgical Ward that deals with a group of pretty special children and their families. Within those walls alot of care and love is given but also alot of pain and heartache is felt too.

It's truly amazing how this ride and it's cause were embraced. It quickly went from 2 friends with a thought to a total of now 17 friends with a complete dream.

The Cycling Cerebellums aims to fundraise a minimum of $10,000 for the ward and hope to bring a little brightness to the lives of the children, families and staff. With the help of the community, friends and families we know this goal is achievable. All we ask is that you spread the news. And if you are able to - DONATE.

Below are all our pages for you to peruse through and like, follow, tweet about.

• The Cycling Cerebellums Blog
• The Cycling Cerebellums FB page
• The Cycling Cerebellums website

We would love nothing more than to have you following us. Go on, you know you want to check it out. We are nothing more than a click away.

Working my way back.

It's hard to know where to start. So much has transpired in the last 6 weeks that I kind of feel like it has all gone by in a blur. Probably good in a way - the mind has an innate way of shutting down to let you heal and look after yourself. It slows all processes down and gives you time to assess, prioritise, time to search and find yourself, time to feel and be again.

It is quite safe to say that even though during this time I was cared for immensely by family and friends for which I cannot even begin to find words that describe the magnitude of gratitude, I really felt quite alone. I wanted nothing more than to find me again and switch on the old me and get rid of that sadness and how low I was feeling but in the darkness I couldn't find the switch.

Eventually I felt hands grabbing hold of mine and leading me to that switch. And although the darkness was at first overpowering the light, the light has since started to shine again. Everyday that light gets stronger and stronger and everyday I am able to see a little more of me again.

There is still a lot to work on and I am ready to battle it out. I am clawing my way back - I deserve to smile again and with feeling. Not just a vacant smile but a smile that resonates from the bottom of my soul. A smile that truly displays and connects the mind, body and soul. I deserve to be me for me and my family.

And so it is here I find myself, back in my beloved Blog land. Looking after me and doing that which truly makes happy - writing, expressing, feeling, sharing. And I will get back to the sport I love - Triathlons, but in the meantime I have signed up for an 1km Ocean Swim this Sunday at Coogee.

So get ready to see me back. Hope you haven't missed me too much.

• Beyond Blue - click HERE
• Black Dog Institute - click HERE

TriShave Womens Triathlon 2011

What a day. And what an awesome place for the TriShave event to be held. Welcome to the Sydney International Regatta Centre. So beautiful and serene at 6:30 in the morning. Absolutely flawless. And so was the day. I think PTC had about 20 of it's finest female Triathletes competing across all the distances and a large number of volunteers as well. We did our club really proud. Not only did our members all finish with a massive smile on their faces because of their amazing accomplishment but some of our girls even placed and won overall. I could hear the letters "PTC" being whispered everywhere as I walked around supporting our girls and being the Promotions Girl for TriShave.

My job on the day was to help promote a product I strongly believe in. From my very first TriShave Race I did last year I have been using the products. It saw me through all my training for Port 70.3 as well as Yeppoon 70.3. So it wasn't hard to speak about something I really love. Everyone, both female and males alike were receptive to what I had to say. I spoke to Naomi W's husband and he has been using the Males product for a year and absolutely swears by it. Says he hasn't had that post shaving rash since using it. When I used him as an example to the other men you could see them really focus on the product. Thanks Robert.

I really liked hearing how receptive people were to the texture of the UV body defense post shave moisturiser. I know how light and non-greasy it is but seeing people's face's light up when they applied it was priceless. I think when you tell people it has sunscreen protection in it they automatically think "GREASY & THICK" - but not this one. Not only is it well absorbed you get the great UVA & UVB filters protecting you. Great for protection against our Aussie sun. Combine this with the TriShave 3in1 Shave Creme and you will have beautiful skin all year round. Thankyou Larisa for giving me this opportunity and I look forward to many more days working alongside you.

Throughout all of my walking around and chatting with everyone I was able to see nearly all of my friends cross the line and give them a BIG hug on their AWESOME accomplishment. When the photos get posted on the TriShave page I will make sure to add them here for you all to see.

Yesterday was also a great day because a few of our other PTC members when to Huskisson for the Triathlon Festival down there. They all did amazing. WOW. Couldn't be prouder of them. They all accomplished an amazing thing and nearly all placed. How cool do they all look, so chuffed and rightfully so.

Their smiles say it all.

Your going to hear it again - PTC ROCKS. We really do. The club and everyone in it really are just something special to me.

Braveheart

WOW, can't believe it has been that long since I last posted, and so much has gone on it is hard to know where to start. And I would love nothing more than to write about it all - heck I could get it all off my chest, but just at this present moment, whilst I am working through it all I think it better to just say that it got a bit DARK and HAIRY. And you have all probably noticed how I retreated, which seems to be my norm when I feel emotionally inept. But sometimes smiling when you feel so down is really hard work - so I hide.

So enough of that, and as I climb my way back to being BARBS, I have learnt a great deal of things. Mostly I have to listen to me and what my body and soul are telling me. And when it is getting stressed I need to stop and focus on me and do things that I haven't done in ages - or EVER. Things I have wanted to do and have never done for a barrage of reasons. Things that will nurture the soul and bring ME back. I think it necessary that we all get a chance to do that.

So, last week and this week I went into Bondi. Home of the BONDI RESCUE, and home of BONDI FIT. To say that I wasn't apprehensive would have been the biggest fib this side of the Southern Hemisphere. However, having been informed of Spot's knowledge and ability I have since felt so much better. I found out Spot won the Nepean Triathlon in 1988 alongside Louise Mackinley - then Bonham. To know that I am surrounded by such talented individuals is really humbling. Everytime I get around them I am learning a multitude of skills and tricks of the trade. My brain is soaking it all in.

Last week I think I was much more worried then I was this week. This week, I put my absolute faith, heart and soul into Spot's every word. And in doing so I swam so far into deep water that the only time I got really scared was when one of the surfer's looked at me and said "Oooooo, shark bait". I was like "You can't say that to me. Do you have any idea how much courage it has taken to make it this far". They all kind of smirked, but I then could not let my feet dangle 'just in case' some shark thought me a tasty morsel.

I got to see a pod of dolphins and a teeny weeny Port Jackson Shark and I also got to swim in swell up near the south end of Bondi that nearly made my hair stand on end. I am sure it was not that big BUT I found myself a few times having to pull out from catching a wave back into shore because I was scared it was going to dump me into the sand. YES, I am a chicken.

I also learnt how to dolphin dive well - check this out.

I'm so proud of me.

Last week there were a few more people who attended - Elissa and Clare from the club as well as others. But this week there was only myself and Barry as well as Alison and Alan who came to the beach with me to watch. Thanks so much for the company. It meant a great deal both times.

Then as I was heading back to see Alison and Alan after washing my wetsuit off in the ocean, Alison was like "What have you got on you". She said "Your dripping colour". Oh bloody hell, my hair dye was running even though I had washed it last night and I looked like I was dripping Orange Gatorade out of my head. It was hilarious. I was wondering why people were staring at me...... Spot probably didn't know where to stare whilst we walked from one end of Bondi to the other. Thats too funny. Here I thought it was because I looked fit....hahahaha.

I can't wait to go back. This is just what my soul needs. I am going to be an awesome ocean swimmer. I will not give in and I will learn to tackle anything mother nature throws at me. Barb will prevail.

Glad to be back.

Boy was I glad to be back. It was hard to motivate myself to get back there, but thanks to Paul and one phone call, I made my way there and was so glad to see everyone. There were many new faces which was good to see and then there were the regulars who I missed so much. They made my return so much easier, felt like I had never left.

There were a few reasons why I stopped going. Firstly I needed a rest - nearly a solid year of training and I was toast - physically and emotionally. Then came the foot issue - something which made me stop dead in my tracks for a bit but most of all I think I was just lacking the drive. With the issues I needed sorting and the fact that I was going to use the remainder of the year to get them all fixed I couldn't really see why I still needed to get out there all the time.

But the truth of the matter is, it is so important and needed for my mental health to be out training, socialising. I get such a high from being healthy and out in the fresh air, it's not something I can compromise on. And sure there are hiccups along the way but I can still cycle and swim that is atleast until I get my hernia repaired and then I will have to stop altogether for a few weeks. But surgeon reckons I will be back out there cycling within 3 weeks which is great news, so I can stay focused on the task at hand for my bike ride to Melbourne.

And when the New Year starts I will start running again slowly. Things happen for a reason. I am a firm believer in this. Life has a way of making things happen.

So with last nights return to windtrainer it was interesting to say the least about how quickly one loses their stamina and endurance. Not only were my legs hurting so was my undercarriage. I couldn't help lift my bottom off that seat. It was on fire. I need more saddle time to get used to that feeling again. Either that or have a baby fire extinguisher at the ready.