Like a pendulum - thats my emotions at this point in time. One minute I am confident in my abilities, the next I am nervous as hell and doubting every square inch of myself inside and out. I have even found myself getting all choked up just thinking about the day. At random times too I might add. In the supermarket, driving the car, having a shower, typing this post. It's when I least expect it that I feel overcome with emotion.
What makes me tear up? All of it. Being scared more than anything I think. Scared that I won't be able to finish. Scared that even though I have done all my training that I won't be able to do it. Scared that maybe I have bitten off more than I can chew. And I know deep down that I can do this, I just need to keep telling myself that I can - I have just never been good at "feeling confident in myself". I have never been good at "tooting" my own horn, if anything ask my closest friends - I am the one who is always finding things to downplay myself.
I want to feel strong and brave but I don't want to let myself down. I don't want to put expectations on myself only to come crashing down. This whole not knowing business scares me. Atleast when I swim I know my abilities and can say without a shadow of a doubt that I feel confident, but I can't say the same thing about the other two. I think what's getting me is the fear of the unknown.
I guess after this Sunday I will have an answer to the "unknown". Come this Sunday I will have embarked on a dream. I will have made it to the top of the mountain I have been climbing for the last 6mths of training. Come this Sunday my name will be called as I cross that finish line and I WILL not be nervous anymore, I WILL not doubt myself anymore because I will have laid to rest those demons.
Until then - I AM NERVOUS.
Normal reaction - we wouldn't do it if the outcome was certain. Trust in your training and remember to have fun.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kovas--totally normal. It means a lot to you and therefore you have nerves. You KNOW you will finish and I KNOW you can finish well. You've got this!
ReplyDeleteI hear you on the Swaying.
ReplyDeleteHeck Barbie....I feel this way for my Olympic Tri coming in July...and that is only HALF of what you're doing Sunday!!!
It IS normal. We wouldn't be human otherwise.
Hear me cheer! YOU WILL DO THIS THING!
AND when it's over, remember this feeling and turn to kick it swiftly;)
I won't even tell you to calm down. I'm suprised you haven't caught the phantom cold yet. This happens. You WILL DO THIS, without a shadow of a doubt. It is going to hurt, it is going to be sureal, it is going to take your breath away (litterally at times) and it is going to come to an end. You have put in a lot of effort here. Family things slightly put asside etc.. Enjoy it as much as you can, bacause these thoughts will all be gone once your arm turns over that first stroke. Then it will all be a blur.
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