You just gotta believe.

This is something I have to keep telling myself. I often fail to be my own biggest supporter, when things get tough on the track I try to find excuses as to why I should slow down or even QUIT. It's not until I have the support of someone who pushes me to go that bit harder that I then realise I have it within me to do it.

That's exactly what happened yesterday. It was the first track session back for the New Year and we were asked to do 4 x 1km sets with 15 secs break between sets. The aim was to stay consistent in our approach and I was asked to try and hold a 5min/km pace.

Well, the first 1km I did on 4:42 and boy did I feel that. I was pooped - totally knackered and was wondering where those 15 secs of rest had gone as I took off again. Then it hit me like a sack of potatoes across the head - DEFEAT. As my body started to hurt I became mentally weak and that 2nd 1km effort was shameful. I told Chris I was feeling spewy - I wasn't lying, I really did feel spewy thanks to the noodles I ate 90 mins before, but if I was mentally tough I would have totally overlooked it and pushed through that feeling. So consequently that 1km effort I did it in 5:23.

Thank God I have a coach who I think is starting to realise my personality and knows that when I start to feel uncomfortable he needs to push me yet support me through that as well. So Chris joined me on my next 2 efforts. Within those 1km efforts he just kept giving me positive reinforcements " You can do this, I know you can, physically you are capable, can you do this mentally". Those were the words I really needed to hear. To know that my coach saw something in me that I often fail to see in myself. I am glad he asked me the question too if I was mentally prepared - it made me try, it made me get "shirty" with myself and made me question why it is I give up on myself during my run sessions. The next 2 efforts were much MUCH better - 5:07 & 5:10. And even though I felt very tired at the end of it I did feel proud of my efforts. Thanks Chris - you helped me get through the mental slump.

On the way home I heard this song and just had to share it. You have probably all heard it before but I just thought it was really appropriate and needed to realise that I have it within me.

Then this morning whilst on DailyMile I across this article that one of my friends had posted on the Queen - Chrissie Wellington. I cannot get over how truly inspirational and remarkable she is. I love how she states that "anything is possible and that your limits may not be where you think they are". Reading her article made me think that I definately have more to give. I know I am never going to be a Chrissie Wellington but I can and will be the best damn Barbie I can be. I just gotta believe.

Life feels good - at times

Yesterday morning, I headed off for my usual run only this time it wasn't as I remembered. The runs I did a couple of days before felt effortless, better and I felt light on my feet, yesterday however was a totally different ball game. Mind you I should have known better than to leave for a run at 9am. Bad idea.

The humidity in the air was so thick - and within minutes of setting out for my run I was already glistening. I was constantly on the search for shaded areas but that just seemed to intensify the humidity. Luckily along the way there were fresh water fountains to refill your bottles - I just kept filling my hands up with beautifully fresh water and dumping it over my head.

I had many stops along the way and although this was meant to be a 40 min constant aerobic run - I just didn't have it in me to hold a steady pace for too long. So for the first time in a while I really, really listened to my body and adopted a walk/run strategy for most of it. Along one of the trails I came across this sign and thought to myself "How appropriate". That was pretty much what I was needing at that stage - A Doctor....lol

Upon returning home I quickly stood in front of the A/C and tried to drop my core temp. All I could hear was the swooshing sound of my heartbeat resonating in my ears and I felt slightly lightheaded, but within 10 mins I was good to go and we all went to the tennis courts and played a few sets.

Later that evening we all headed to Stephen's cousins house for dinner. I had the best time - we got to ride on the back of the ute and take in all of their beautiful surroundings. We only just missed the birth of a calf by probably no more than an hour - it was so cute and frail and had only just found it's gorgeous little legs to stand on.

I was in awe of the property and truth be told if the kids weren't on the back of the ute with me I would have asked to have gone flat stick, it was so exhilarating. I just loved the feeling of the fresh air rushing past my face and not having a care in the world.

There is nothing better for the mind than being close to nature and enjoying everything she has to offer. My senses were so alive and free - makes me wish I could always live that like.

After enjoying a wonderful ride we all enjoyed a great dinner and then headed back to the apartment for our final night in Port Macquarie. I am so sad to say GOODBYE, but I know it won't be forever. Heck, I will be back in less than 5 months time - and I WILL have completed my first ever Half Ironman. That is something so terribly exciting - me, Barbara - a long distance triathlete. HOW FREAKIN' COOL.

I also wanted to share with you all my progression since starting any training of any sort since becoming ill. I am so happy - actually extremely proud of ME.

I hope everyone has started their New Year with a BANG.

Living life and loving it.

Everyday just keeps getting better. If this is a taste of what 2011 will bring - then I say

LETS DO IT.

Of course the first day of 2011 was going to be a total rest day. We all didn't wake up till atleast 9:30 after having headed to bed at almost 1am New Years Eve. We all saw the New Years in as a family after having dinner with Stephen's Cousin Julie and her husband Darren. We had a great feast, a few drinks and lots of laughs.

I half expected that the resort we are staying at would go off as soon as midnight hit - but it was really quiet. A few crackers went off , a few random cheers - mine included and that was it. It was kind of a welcome change - the kids were tired and we were constantly tapping at them to stay awake for the last 20 mins or so. As soon as New Year hit we all cuddled and kissed and they pretty much headed off to bed.

Then yesterday we headed off out towards Laurieton and had lunch by the water. This place was just the most beautiful place to be. I don't think I have ever seen water so blue or clear. Just such a pristine area.

We feasted on yummy fatty fish n' chips - what else would you eat at the waterside. Kyle had found himself this sea sponge - actually more like a colony of sea sponges and everytime he pressed one part it would squirt water at him - hilarious. So as any inquisitive child - he kept pressing.

Upon heading back to the resort it was once again back to the pool - my kids just love the pool. It's quite a task trying to get them out.

Then this morning it was off for another bike ride with Nicole and some of her friends. I didn't feel too bad today - even though initially the first few hills once again made me beg for mercy. This time we headed out for a much flatter route and in a much different direction. There were so many cyclists out on the road and I even saw another PTC jersey on my travels. Not sure who it was - it was a girl but couldn't quite make out who.

There were a couple of times I dropped off along the flats as they picked up speed and just zoomed off. But they all waited for me for which I was eternally greatful.

And the best bit was that I got to have a coffee stop at the end of it all. Life is hard. I returned home to an empty house and with 60km under my belt. Stephen had taken the kids out fishing with Darren and I think we are having fish for lunch. Taillah has caught herself 6 so far - that's my girl.

The boys have caught themselves one each so far. Looking forward to it. Grilled fish YUM

Gobsmacked Part 2

This holiday just keeps getting better. Not only am I enjoying the benefits of being able to train at Port Macquarie but we are all just relaxing and chilling and seeing different places around town. My children are not avid beach goers but they do love the pool so they have been taking full advantage of the resorts beautiful pool. We have even had games of tennis and gone for nice relaxing walks. I think the kids are just really enjoying not having a schedule and being able to sleep in to whatever time their bodies dictate.

It has been serving me kind of well the past two mornings as I have been able to get my training out of the way before they have even risen. Yesterday morning I was able to join forces with Port Macquarie Tri Club for one of their swim sessions thanks to Nicole from DailyMile. What a session! It was tough but so glad I got 3.9km out of the way. It went something like this:

• 400m warm up
• 10 x 50m Fr/s
• 9 x 150's (meant to be 10 but I died on 1 of them and only did 50m)
• 1 x 50 from the previous 150's
• 12 x 100's - 4 with band, 4 with band & pullbouy, 4 with band, pullbouy, paddles
• 12 x 25m sprints - 4 Fr/s, 4 Fly up Fr/s back, 4 Fr/s
• 100m cool down

I was totally stuffed at the end - but I had met some really nice people and was thankful that they took me under their wing for one session. By 1pm yesterday arvo I had to have a nanna nap to recharge my batteries - whilst I napped Stephen took the kids back to the pool for about 2hrs.

Then this morning it was back up at 0445hrs to go for a bike ride with Nicole. I wanted to end 2010 with a BANG, and that is just what I have done. I met Nicole out the front of the resort and we made our way out towards Lighthouse Drive. As we headed out I was thinking to myself, today is the day - today is the day I do Matthew Flinders Drive.

Making the way out there from the resort there are a few hills, nothing major but enough to get the blood shunted to your quads. I remember thinking to myself "if I am struggling now what am I going to do when I hit the big one". Oh well, there was no time to focus on that I was going to use the ride out and back as a warm up and try to get my mind focused on the fact that I could do this.

As we hit Lake Catheye - we stopped and had a drink - more for my sake because my back was a bit sore. My husband and his family used to holiday down here so it was good to see it. Will most definately take the kids down so they can go for a swim.

On the way back I started to fret - was wondering what gear I needed to be in to tackle that monstrosity. By the time we had made it to the first little turning hill which signalled what lay ahead, Nicole said to me "Barb, you can do it, just don't look too far ahead". Okay, it was time to grin and bare it - have some faith woman.

I could feel it start to ascend and I started changing gears to make it easier. No sooner did I do that, the road did another little kick up and it was time to get out of the saddle and start peddling hard. I could feel my legs really working hard to turn over a revolution and I was leaning so far forward I think any lower and I would have been kissing my aero bars. Just when I thought to myself I was going to have to stop - and believe me if I stopped I would have either rolled backwards to my death or fallen off, it was time to turn onto Davis Cres. There was a slight reprieve and then another short, sharp climb back out onto Lighthouse Drive. I have never been so happy to see a small easy climb - it almost felt like I was riding a flat path.

When I got to the top, I was sooooooo happy. I could not wipe the grin off my face. I rode past an elderly couple and said "I just rode up Matthew Flinders", they both smiled and said "Congratulations dear". I wanted to scream it at the top of my lungs and let the whole world know how far I had come - but being early in the morning I thought BEST NOT.

The rest of the ride was pretty much downhill apart from a few dispersed hills - spaced enough so I could recover. We rode through the heart of Port and I was shown where transition will be and where the swim entry and exit are.

What a way to end 2010. I have done so many things here at Port and the one thing that had me spooked beyond all words I conquered. Thanks Nicole. I look forward to Sunday's ride and seeing so much more of this beautiful countryside.

I want to wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR. May this new year bring you lots of love, joy, happiness, contentment, new goals, new dreams, and most of all a happy healthy self.

I know it will for me.

BRING ON 2011.

" Be Yourself... There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them. Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are."
Author Unknown

Gobsmacked - That's what I am. Part 1.

I was gobsmacked for many different reasons yesterday. Firstly because the sun was out - there was not even one sign of the previous day's clouds. Once again the meteorologists had gotten it wrong and the predicted forecast of a full weeks worth of rain and cloud had disappeared. Port Macquarie was going to give me gorgeous days to train in and I am so greatful.

Secondly, we drove around for a bit to find Matthew Flinders Drive. I have heard alot about this hill but nothing was going to prepare me for the enormity of what I was going to have to do. As we drove down it I suddenly heard a THUD, it was the sound of my jaw hitting the floor. I just looked at my husband and said "what have I gotten myself into", "I don't know if I have what it takes to tackle this". I almost felt teary and already defeated. As we turned around to take one last look I asked my husband if he could stop the car so I could get a photo. My son caught one of me taking a photo.

After a few moments of silence and regaining my composure I decided I needed alot of

I can do this.

Thirdly, I got to run again - only this time I decided to take the coastal track which led me straight out onto the Breakwall. For obvious reasons I did not run the whole lot - but, I got another taste of what I will be seeing when I am here again on the 1st May. Once again I saw a stack of people - some walking, others running and some even wearing Ironman T-shirts doing their thaing and I was a part of it.

I took this path all the way into Town Green and stopped for a little bit to take it all in. I was standing on a path that many had taken before me and I too will take before others. How exciting. Yesterdays run was all about recovery so the pace was nothing fast and kind of glad in a way as my legs were a bit sore from the previous day's run.

Fourthly as I made my way back to the resort and entered the unit I could feel the heat of my body rise to an all time high. I think I was a few shades shy of beetroot red and I was really looking forward to a beautifully cool shower and getting ready to go out to dinner for our 8th Wedding Anniversary. Stephen and I have been together for 16yrs - amazing how time flies.

We have 3 beautiful kids and a great life - and I feel blessed to have found a person who tolerates all my craziness. The kids came to dinner with us - they have pretty much shared in all our anniversary's - they were even part of the bridal party when we got married.

After heading home with a belly full of food and totally content with my life I fell asleep like a baby knowing full well I was going to be awake at 0500hrs to go for a swim with Nicole B from DailyMile. She is part of Port Macquarie Tri Club and has been so kind to let me tag along for a swim and a few bike rides. Just the loveliest person, felt like I had know her for ages.

A great mix

Holiday and exercise - what could be better. Is it challenging to be able to find the time and inclination to get out and about - YES. I am not a creature of comfort but I do sometimes find it a bit daunting to get out on my own in a strange place. But yesterday's run was just awesome.

You see, we have headed up to the town of Port Macquarie. This place holds special significance as it is the town of my impending first ever 70.3. My darling hubby thought it would be a good idea to go visit the place that I would be racing in to see what it is exactly I would be getting myself into. And I am so glad he did. In all my years of swimming comps - I always felt better and did better when I knew the area. It was almost a sense of kinship that I felt in the areas that I had been at before.

As I headed off for my run with no real idea of where I was going other than following the coastal road, I started imagining what it was going to be like on the day. How would I feel, what words would I be saying to myself when I felt tired, where would my family be positioned, who would I see whilst out on my journey. Thinking about all these things made my run feel really real. Nobody I passed knew the thought's going through my head or the fact that I had such a huge goal to get to - but their smiles made me feel good nonetheless, and I used their energy to continue with my run at quite a tolerable pace.

I did have a few pitstops along the way of no more than a few seconds to get some shots of the beach as I ran.

Although cloudy and drizzly the air temp was really nice to be running in. Towards the end of the run I got a really good headwind which made it a little more challenging, but from everything I have heard about Port Macquarie and the winds that frequent this place I am more than 100% sure I only got a taste of it.

Upon returning home I saw this gorgeous flower near the apartment units.

"Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn't stop to enjoy it."

~William Feather~

Garmin Forerunner 110 - How I love thee.

How nifty is this little gadget. Not only is it stylish in design (black, sleek, non-cumbersome), the actual things you are able to do with it are just awesome. I have just spent the last hour and a half setting up my GarminConnect account and downloading my first ride on it. Being technologically challenged it took me a while to figure out how to change the run mode to the cycle mode but I finally figured it out.

Today's ride was awesome - hard but awesome. I didn't do the distance I was hoping for - I was spent on the first hill, but nonetheless I still completed about 52km.

I have never ridden in such a huge group. There were about 40 cyclists - give or take a few - another thing I find challenging - guesstimating numbers. I think I did well holding a straight line, what I struggled with was my timing in letting those behind me know there was impending debris ahead. I too was aiming for everything that landed in front of me - very surprised I didn't get a flat. Elissa and I just kept laughing saying "Ooops, did it again". She kept hitting the cateyes.

I was in the front pack on the flat but as soon as we hit the first hill, that was it - I dropped off - quicker than I could say "dropping off". Frustrating, I totally suck at hills and wish I could be half as strong as my colleagues. They just zoomed past me like they were riding downhill. Drew once again gave me a push up that hill and as soon as I got to the top I stopped with Elissa. I then made the choice that I could not go the remainder of the hills and we both along with Matt took a detour to take us back onto the main road. Thankyou Matt for joining me on the ride back and having a great chat with me - you are a true inspiration. And Elissa, my aim is to ride like you one day - YOU ROCK.

Upon returning back to the Coffee Club I had the nicest 2 cups of Long Black and 2 Cinnamon toasts. As I watched everyone return from their full distance they were all saturated. They had hit rain on the way back and were completely soaked. Kind of glad that I turned around when I did but sad at the same time that I didn't feel up to tackling it. There is always next time I guess. I know when I get back from my holidays that my long rides with the girls are going to be hills after hills. The only way to get better at them is to do them. And that is what I shall do.