I did it.

My day began at about 0500hrs as my nerves were just eating me alive. I had hardly slept a wink as thoughts of false starts, coming last and making a total fool of myself flooded my every thought. Eating breakfast was the farthest thing from my mind yet I knew I had to stomach atleast two WeetBix in order to stop the waves of nausea becoming all too consuming.

I had my bags packed the night before but that didn't stop me from checking it for the one millionth time. Goggles, check. Cap, check. Swimmers, check. Courage - oh bugger, where is it? I know I had packed it too. Maybe I had put it somewhere for safe keeping and when the time was right I would find it.

I travelled to the pool on my own that morning, feeling that I needed to be at one with my thoughts. I couldn't bear the thought of trying to figure out what I needed to do with my children when I had enough trouble trying to keep my own thoughts straight. Luckily, I have the most understanding husband and he knew how important this was for me.

Arrival at the pool was about 4 hrs before my race, but I didn't care. I was able to relax and feel totally inspired but all those competitors who were still swimming and competing at the tender age of 100+. What was I afraid of? These competitors motivation and drive to continue being the best they could be made my search for "courage" come to an end. I had found it. What was I going to lose? Nothing, when I had already gained so much. I got my life back, competing here was just the icing on the cake.

Barry turned up not long after me and we spent some good quality time just chit chatting about things. About how far I had come, all the things I had accomplished and how proud he was of me. That meant so much. He too had gone on this journey with me and I guess he was feeling the nerves too. This swim was going to be a testament of not only my strength and determination but also his patience and willingness to get me to my goal as well.

As I looked around and found myself surrounded by my family and friends an hour later, I realised how lucky I was to be blessed with all of them. They stuck by me when at times all I wanted to do was run away screaming. I am sure I wasn't the easiest person to live with.

The time came for the marshalling of my race. Barry handed me a letter and told me to read it when I got down there. I gave my kids, husband and mum a big ole kiss and made my way down. With every step I made closer to the marshalling area the louder and faster my heartbeat resonated in my ears. I could hardly hear the swooshing of the pool and conversations being held around me. It was just incoherent mumbles.

I got my name marked off and set out to read my letter. Barry is not a man of many words but this letter brought a flood of tears to my eyes. It made me realise that he had more faith in me than I did. He knew I could do this, and after reading it I knew I could too.

The actual race itself went by quite quickly. One minute I was in the water getting ready to take my starting position and before I knew it I was at the other end looking up at the time board. At first it didn't register, when I looked to my left I saw only one other person at the end with me, and then it all hit. My race was the fastest heat. I came in at 34.15 seconds. If the screen said I had come second in my heat that meant I had come second overall. OMG, I came second. I couldnt believe it. I was second for my age group in the entire Masters in the world. I felt like I had won the Olympics. Well, this was the closest I would ever come, I was on top of the world.

Finally my hearing came back and I could hear my children, husband, mum, Barry, friends screaming out how proud they were of me. I was so happy, ecstatic, overwhelmed. I was not able to wipe the smile from my face for hours. So I went home, had a nice dinner and a glass of red and relished in the joy of having accomplished a Silver Medal for my first race. But, the job was not done. I still had the 50m Freestyle. I knew it would be harder as this is the race that everyone wants to compete in.

My aim was to hit sub 30 seconds. Was this possible, "NO", but I got close. 30.83 was my time. Was I still proud of my achievement "YES". What I had overcome in the last 9 weeks of training had proven to me that anything was possible. Now whenever I thought to myself "I can't do this", my retort back would be "Of course you can".

Jitters.

What a day. I was so excited. Susan and I were going to Homebush to register for the World Masters Games and recieve all our paperwork. The excitement I felt I could only compare to what an Olympian would feel just before their race. I knew the Masters games were popular but I didn't realise how popular.

Susan and i got to the venue just before 0900hrs. We went into the main arena and lined up with about 40 other people to start our registration paperwork. All went without a glitch and we recieved our backpack, lanyard with competitors pass, drink bottle and timetable for the events. After leaving the main arena we thought we would go buy ourselves some memorabillia however all attendants said that stalls would not be open until 1500hrs when registrations began. This was lucky incident number one. We actually signed up 6 hours early. Yee Ha.

So we returned to the main arena at about 1400hrs after lunch to sit and wait for the stalls to open. Within half an hour or so, officials for the games starting locking these main doors and placing signs up stating the opening time. Funny thing was we were on the inside and Susan and I with about 100 other competitors were ushered in to the main arena as though we were something special. Lucky incident number 2.

Could this be the beginning of many great things to come. Boy, was I in for the shock of a lifetime.

It's coming up

So today was set to be the day. I knew it was going to be a hard session in the water. I had, I think about 2 weeks to go to the Masters Championships and I must admit I was feeling pretty damn good in all aspects of my life. My back was hardly hurting at all now and i was feeling strong. People were now commenting about how fit I look, versus how much weight I had put on, and gees "You look puffy".

So anyway, back to the reason of this post. I knew it was going to be hard. Barry would give me my session a week in advance. I was scared. I was doing 4x175m Freestyle and 4x175m Backstroke all at about 85%.

I started off with the Backstroke seeing as it was my favourite stroke and knocked those out reasonably well I thought. I was finishing each 175m Backstroke with enough breath to continue talking to Barry and my best friend Susan. Anyone who knows me knows I like to have a good gas bag...

The Freestyles were set to be another story. The first one came and went without too much hassle, the second had me feeling light headed. Now the third one was a doozie. I remember touching the wall and looking up at Barry and Susan and wondering "why are there two of each?". My body had gotten the shakes so bad all I could do was walk about 2m to a bench at the end of the pool and there i sat for a little bit. That was until someone turned on the saliva tap in my mouth.

I felt so unwell but wishing at that point I had not eaten baked beans and toast for breakfast. The thought of that making its way up was just TOO MUCH. The bathrooms were too far away and I knew that I didnt have the energy to get there anyway so the closest thing were some bushes. Luckily all I did was heave. My stomach started to settle after some water and a couple of Glucodin tablets, courtesy of Susan. I can recall just sitting at the table back at the other end of the pool and Barry giving me 15 minutes of respite and then being told I had one more to go. God love him!!

I requested another 5 minutes of rest and then churned out the last 175m and thanked God it was over. I had done it. I had almost spewed and survived. Nothing was holding me back.

Acres of Diamonds

" Your diamonds are not in far distant mountains or in yonder seas;
they are in your own backyard, if you but dig for them"
Russell H, Conwell.

The Black Line.

Never thought I would be so happy to see it again. The black line that used to be the thorn in my side as a child was now my best friend. I found comfort and respite from all my negative thoughts. The weightlessness I experienced in the water took me back to the days when I felt on top of the world. I was able to just be me in the water. I didn't have to pretend to be happy or put on a brave front, when at times all I wanted to do was crawl into ball and hide somewhere. This long lost friend of mine was giving me back what I thought I had lost. "ME".

The following 9 weeks would see me accomplish things I never thought possible at the beginning of my journey. I went from training 2 days a week to 3 and 4. Before I knew it I was training 6 days a week. I was swimming 3 times a week, doing 2 bootcamp sessions with Barry and I continued with my personal training sessions.

The weight was shifting, slowly but surely. All the clothes I had bought because I was larger were now not fitting. Thank goodness I spent alot of time in tights and sweat shirts. I really began to notice it in my swimmers. What were once tight and pulling were now getting so loose I could have used it as a drag net at the beach. Time for a new cossie. My reward. YAY!!!

When my best friend and I would compare notes about training sessions she would always say to me "I have worked so hard I was nearly vomiting". I thought it must have been because she was doing heaps of reps on the track, that would make me tired. But I always wondered why I never felt that way. Clearly I wasnt pushing myself hard enough. Time to up the anti.