Bring it.

Wow, what a great few weeks. It has been awesome. I have not stopped smiling the whole time - well apart from the time that my muscles are screaming at me. And even then I am so stoked that I have finally gotten back to being ME again.

I have loved every minute of being back out training. I really look forward to opening up my program every morning from Sparta and seeing whats in store for me. I am even loving the sweat that dries on my brow - I know it sounds lame, but when that hasn't happened in over a year apart from my race at Yeppoon - I never realised how much I missed it.

Training has been coming along nicely. Each week has been gradually incremented and am loving the pace at which I am being trained. I also love the fact that I am still doing my personal training sessions and feeling myself moving forward. I've had a little hiccup with my glute muscle's for which I am seeing physio and getting Dry Needling done - however know that it was my little jaunt at a small race called Yeppoon 70.3. My body is just voicing it's dislike. I am focusing on good stretching techniques x3 daily at 15mins a go to try and loosen my quads, hammies, glutes and hip flexors. And am focusing super hard on training my deeper  core whilst trying to unlearn using my superficial abs in their place. A few things to work on but know it will all come good.

There have already been some highlights in the pool for me. And I think it's remnants of my old sprinting days coming back. I was thrilled (really thrilled) to do a few 100m freestyle sprints on 1:10 - 1:12 this Monday. Gave me a bit of a buzz really to know I still had it in me even though I wanted to hurl chunks after every one that I did. I have a bit of a goal. I would ideally like to be able to hold consistent 1:20's/100m on a regular basis. And not just in the pool. I want to translate it into the open water and do a really good swim at Port IM. I want to feel brave in amongst that crowd too. So I will be looking to recruit people to bash me up in the swim on a regular basis like this - CLICK HERE.

I have also added another weapon to my training package - Billy the Mountain Goat - Im mean bike.

Here's to a few if not many trail rides. Need to get myself feeling strong on hills again. Im totally sucking at them at the moment. Not that Im complaining as I know I will get there in due course and with the necessary strength required not only in my legs but in my core as well. I need my core, glute, hammie, quads to all be in tip top shape - and it will happen with Sparta's training. Im excited.

I also had another swim at Bondi last Saturday. I had been doing so well until Saturday, until I saw the swell and then my brain went backwards. I bawked at every wave and felt super anxious. But thankfully Sarah, Spot and Paul helped me through it and I finally got to have some fun splashing in the smaller waves and even caught one all the way to shore. I was proud of me. Practice makes perfect. And I will keep practicing. Im stubborn that way.

This Saturday whilst I will miss going to BondiFit, I will also be having fun partaking in TOUGH MUDDER with my friends. Bring it on. Lets get dirty.

I killed the damn monkey.

How do you put into words the elation you feel after conquering something which has pervaded your inner most mental recesses for the last year. It has taken me close to a week to be able to actually sit down and chronicle that day with enough detail that will give it justice. For me that day - a year and a week ago was quite possibly the hardest day ever for me. And I know it's only a race - but I had trained so hard for that day and for it to come crashing down in the swim, was such a bitter pill to swallow. 

Three hundred and sixty five days later + one week and I am PROUD to say that this years outcome was much much different. So different that it produced a finishers towel, a medal, lots of fond memories and a hoodie that I am proud to wear. It's funny how weird it feels wearing something that you have not accomplished. I mean really, it's just a piece of clothing after all - but it just feels wrong. And thats how I felt last year - but not this year.

Now Im going to confess something to you all - and it might be something you all already know. But I really didn't do alot of Tri training for this years Yeppoon 70.3. Why? Well many reasons. Surgery, depression, medication and a few other low moments forced me into feeling not so motivated. I knew I wanted to do Yeppoon 70.3 more than anything but I just couldn't get motivated to head out the door most days. And then when I did - it was very short. I think the max I had ridden was 50km and had done a few swims and next to no running whatsoever. But somewhere deep inside I knew I would do it. It was just going to be a long slow day. My body had already done it once before and I was relying on it implicitly to get me through on race day. However, I had been doing regular Strength and Conditioning classes as well as weekly PT sessions with Sparta Personal Training. I had asked Jen to help me get as strong as I could get physically so that my body could resist what I was going to put it through.

AND IT DID

Thanks Jen for all your support and patience. I look forward to our future training together. Are you ready?

Heading up to Yeppoon was very different this year - we flew up. But funny thing is - Stephen and I really missed the driving. We loved seeing the ever changing countryside - however that being said - our bottoms really enjoyed only being seated for 2 hours. We also loved flying up with Sarah, Carolyn, Darryl, Bec and Jen. For me it was a really good bonding experience and one I will cherish forever. I was completely supported but my friends and I only hope to one day repay them for how great they made me feel.

Before race day was the usual pre-race registration and expo day. It was extremely exciting for me to have received my new hoodie. I knew this time I was going to earn it. And as I stared at my bright pink cap - I knew that this year - the only time I would be taking it off was when I was getting out of the water to run to T1. But before all of this Sarah, Darryl, Carolyn, Jen and I went for a quick ride of the bike course but not before Darryl thankfully re-constructed my bike. It was awesome trying to hold onto the back as we did a couple 1min efforts. I buckled myself in and held on for as long as I could and enjoyed the ride. That night we were treated to our very own pasta party care of Bec. Talk about delicious. I went in for seconds and made sure I savored every last morsel. Thanks Bec.

As I got back to the hotel room and started to organise my things for the next morning - it suddenly hit me. I was going to be doing a 70.3. Helllllooooooo, what did you think you were up here for numbskull???? I think because my training was extremely limited I didn't have the constant reminder of it. But suddenly as I was counting out gels to put in my bottles it hit me like a plank of 4by2 to the cranium. As I counted and recounted, checked and rechecked everything I started to get extremely nervous. What happened if I failed again? What happened if I just couldn't do it? Well, when I woke up the next day - I was going to find out. No use wasting precious sleep on the whatif's. Well, I didn't sleep and the 10lbs of luggage under my eyes the next morning were testament to the restless night I had.

Regardless of that - I was still up early and ready to go. This time I was able to tolerate breakfast and surprisingly I wasn't all that nervous. However that quickly changed as I started to set up my stuff in transition. I could see I wasn't the only one that was nervous and that everyone was there to race with their own agenda. The one thing I tried to keep replaying in my mind was that "I could do this". Stephen, Sarah, Carolyn, Darryl, Jen and Bec were all saying the same thing to me as well. And I believed it - albeit with slight trepidation. I also got to meet Stef Hansen before the race. I had first met Stef through Witsup.com. An awesome website for women participating in Triathlons about women in Triathlon. It was an absolute honour to have her call my name in the darkness of race morning. 

Before too long race briefing was over and it was time to get a goodluck cuddle and positive words from Stephen and then make our way to the start line. A beautiful 1.7km walk down the beach. At this point was I nervous? Uh huh. Everytime I looked out to the ocean I kept reliving last years swim - but it was quickly overtaken but some words that Bec had had with me the previous days. At that was " you can do this Barb. However, if you do get out of the water before the finish, I am going to chase you back into the water and sit on your back and make you swim the entire distance". Hahahhhaha, and I believed it too. Thanks Bec. And whilst my friends were here to race their own race I had nothing but support. You guys rock - really you do.

Jen lined up first and was off and swimming 10mins before Carolyn, Sarah and I with Darryl following 20mins after. Before long it was my turn to hear the words I'd heard last year "you are in the hands of the starter". With that I hugged Sarah and Carolyn and clung tight to their words "I'll see you out on the bike" and took a deep deep breath. The starters gun went off and as I made my way into the water and felt the briskness of it on my face I knew, just knew that I was going to finish the swim. I had swum at Bondi and learnt skills from Spot that were going to help me - I had this. So as I settled in for the swim ahead - I focused on a nice long glide and really just enjoyed every stroke. The one thing I did hate was that my wetsuit was SUPER SNUG thanks to a few (many) extra kilos.

Each bouy that came and went was an extra notch on my Yeppoon belt. It told me that I was one step closer to overcoming my hurdle. As I rounded that last bouy to head home I just couldn't stop smiling. My smile was from ear to ear and I didn't care less that I had a mouthful of salt water. I screamed "I did it" into the water and if I had of blacked out then and there I could not have cared less. I conquered my swim demon. I wanted to stop everyone and tell them what I had just done and how important it was to me - but I think I may have been drowned. So as I exited the water and saw Stephen and Bec at the top of that sand dune yelling out my name and telling me congratulations - I got all choked up. I had done it. The hardest part was over, and now all I had to do was have fun. And that's what I did.

SWIM - 33:47

But first I had to make it out of transition. Anyone would have thought I was enjoying a cup of tea in there. After struggling to get my wetsuit off, sitting down on the ground, discussing with myself whether or not to wear socks with my bike shoes and making sure I had everything, I finally made my way out of transition some 2mins 59secs later. Lord almighty - thank goodness my life wasn't depending on it....hahahaha.

Out on the bike I had a blast. Gee's I like a good flat course. And whilst the road is a little bumpy it's nothing like our trusty Greendale/Cobbitty/Taylors roads. As I started out I kept saying to myself "Cadence cadence cadence - spin the legs Barb. Don't push anything too hard". I settled into a nice pace and then enjoyed the beginning of the ride. As I got halfway up the first lap I saw Sarah and her beautiful smile. She was so excited to see me as I was to see her She yelled "Barb". A few minutes later I spotted Carolyn and as she saw me she yelled "YES" with the biggest smile on her face. I then spotted Jen - another BIG smile greeted me. The second lap on the bike course I spotted Darryl - and he yelled "Yes Barb". Then when he passed me he gave me a few more words of encouragement. The excitement that I got from my friends seeing me out on my bike made me sooooo happy. I could have tackled anything - and I was.

Heading out into town I was averaging about 28-29km/hr but on the way back the trusty tailwind helped me hit 34km/hr. As I got more and more tired these numbers obviously dropped but I couldn't care - I was up at Yeppoon doing the 70.3 - yeah baby. As I finally did the last lap and turned back into the resort my grin got even bigger. I had just completed 2/3rds and was on my way to that finish line. As I got off my bike and started making my way back into transition I knew that the next bit was going to hurt. Nevermind. I was in Yeppoon.

CYCLE - 3:04:42

Once again I got lost in transition - 2mins 19secs - no need to rush, I needed everything just right....hahahha. Only kidding, I was giving my legs as much time as they needed to be able to walk. Silly me thought I could make them run off the bike with no training, talk about lead legs - there was no way they were going to move in anything that remotely resembled  a run for atleast a kilometre. But, after a quick drink and a break at the first aid station, some 400m into the run I had to muster up a bit of a performance for the camera on the bridge and the crowd. Stephen sneakily busted me having a break and asked me how I was feeling and said how proud of me he was. And with that I was off running over the bridge to quickly stop within a few hundred metres. My legs were dead.

I had decided before race day that if I made it this far that I would run/walk the 21.1km. So I started with a 1min/1min for the first lap. It seemed to work well. I was having enough rest inbetween runs and my legs were slowly starting to realise that they were in it for the long haul. on the second lap it was time to up the run - 2mins to 1min walk. This went really well till stupid me stepped on a rock and rolled my left ankle. Immediate pain ensued and I was stopped dead in my tracks. Fellow competitors asked if I was ok - to which I said yes. Another guy seeing me hunched over thought I had a cramp and yelled out as he ran past "stretch it out, stretch it out" - I couldn't help but laugh. Then another gentleman walking past asked if I was ok - to which I replied "I twisted it but once it goes numb I can start again". This gentleman was later going to be my run companion. I told Jen as she passed me that I had twisted my ankle - I told her I was ok and as she ran past Stephen back at the resort she told him of my mishap.

Out on the run I saw all of my fellow PTC'ers who were smashing this course to bits. They are seriously talented and gifted individuals and they worked really hard. It was a real joy to see them compete. As I made my way into the trail area I could up with the gentleman again. His name is Phil. Phil and I did the remainder of the run together - keeping eachother in check on our 2min run 1min walk program. We did really well if I do say so myself. It helped ease the pain that our bodies were feeling by having company. We stopped at each aid station and fuelled up well so we could make it to the next. As I run passed Stephen he asked me if I was okay and I think he was shocked to see me running considering I had hurt myself - but he knows I am stubborn so he told me to keep going.

On the very last lap - with about 1km to go I said to Phil "how about we run this whole last kilometre" - he said "it's up to you coach". And with that we ran. Ran like we were being chased. And as we circled the bend I could see the finishers arch and could hear the screams of all my friends and Stephen. I heard Stef calling out my name and I was so excited. So so so excited I hugged Phil and we ran through the finish line with my arm as high in the air as I could get it. I never thought that the feeling was going to be so sweet. I really didn't want it to end. I wanted to keep running through the finishers arch.That feeling is something that is still really tangible. 

RUN - 2:34:02

Receiving the medal and finishers towel was so exciting. It was something I had waited a whole year for and now I had then around my neck. I hugged Stephen as hard as I could as he whispered in my ear "Barb, you did it, you did it. I am so proud of you". And then one by one I hugged each of my friends. How is this for a great set of friends - they were so interested and taken by what I had done that they put each of their accomplishments on the back burner. They totally smashed it.

Sarah - 5:22:27

Carolyn - 5:14:41

Jen - 5:25:44

Darryl - 4:49:00

I am so proud of them and thankful to have shared this day with them. Bec was such a great support person and source of laughs on the trip. She really helped distract my brain from straying too far with thoughts of last years mishap. And Stephen was as always my ROCK. I don't think he ever doubted the fact that I would do it - and if he did, he never said so. He let me do what I had to do to make my dream a reality and for that I am so thankful that he is my hubby.

So here I am. A proud owner of some new BLING. And I would wear it everywhere too if I wouldn't get strange stares.

I am proud of me. I not only got the monkey off my back - I left it out there to fend for itself. It was going to bother me no more.

Perfectly perfect

Well, since my last post alot has happened. Some worth mentioning - and some not. Everything I believe has happened for a reason - I am a firm believer in positivity breeding exuberant amounts of opportunities. AND that's exactly what has happened.

For those of you who know me well, you will know how hard it has been for me this last year. I am not ashamed of what I have had to work through. Living and overcoming anxiety and depression has been quite a battle. It is something that has made me question myself to the very core of my being, yet even though it has challenged me far more than anything else in my life - I BELIEVE I am coming out the other end a much stronger and resilient individual. I look at things a heck of a lot differently and understand that you are only given this one life - and why wouldn't you want to take every opportunity that comes your way and make the most of it, regardless of the judgements that some may wish to impose on you. After all, this is NOT something we wish on ourselves - Lord only knows this is not something we would wish on our worst enemy. And so because of the things I have learnt through this testing time, I have applied them to my daily life.

Anyway enough of that.

Life is amazing at the moment. With only 5 weeks to go till Yeppoon 70.3, although I don't feel anywhere near as fit as this time last year - I feel prepared to tackle the swim and kick it's arse (pardon the expression). After all, coming back to Yeppoon was all about settling the score with the ocean. ANd whilst this race will be very slow - I couldn't care less. I just want to finsih the swim. And I know I will - thanks to BondiFit's Spot and Sarah. You guys have made me so unafraid of the ocean and for that I am forever grateful. I love the fact that I don't get sea sick and I love the fact that I can open my eyes and see what is happening underneath the waves. I have you guys to thanks for that. If any of you guys reading this are looking for great Open Water mentors - then BondiFit is for you.

I have also tackled my first 10km run since last year. I entered the SunCorp Sydney Harbour 10km race and might I add - I think I did pretty well. Actually I am stoked with my time considering I was hoping to walk/run it in about 75mins. Are you ready to hear my time?

55:37.

Thats about a 5:30 pace per km. How awesome is that? I remember when I first started running I was happing to be doing a 6:30 pace - and I think I may have even said to my best friend Susan that I was quite content to keep that pace. But now to say that, after a year my body has recognised a 5:30 pace as being something it is capable of starting back at - is really quite exciting to see what the future holds in terms of my running.

It was such an amazing run too. So beautiful and flat - just the way I like it. And my new Sir Lady Isaac's felt great to run in too. They make me fall into my run and consequently my pace improves too. So much so that I was pacing a young chap for the majority of the run.

My best friend Susan also did AMAZINGLY. She smashed her first 10km run in a whopping 49mins and is well on the way to reaching her goal of the accomplishing the City to Surf. You have this in the bag missy.

But nothing makes me excited as my new job - Media and PR for TriShave Australia. Want to know more about TriShave? Then click here. This product is unlike anything else on the market. It is something I have used for over 2yrs since my first TriShave Womens Triathlon event and have loved it ever since. Being out in the sun for training I have realised how important it is to take good care of your skin. And what I was looking for I found in TriShave. I found a great moisturiser and sunscreen in one without the greasiness and harshness that came with other SPF products. I have quite sensitive skin and TriShave ticked that box too. So why would I have turned away from such a fantastic product. So when I was asked by Larisa if I wanted to work for her - it seemed like the perfect fit and my answer of YES came naturally. 

I am so excited. TriShave rocks. Check out the website and check out where you can purchase it from. You won't look back - I promise you that. Every Australian should have this product in their bathroom. And if you don't - WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

Moving along.

There comes a point when you just have to put yourself out there and take a chance on yourself and see how  you respond. Well that is what I have been doing and yesterday's run proved that I still have a little "get up and go" left in the old engine. 

So I am still at the walk/run phase but I almost doubled my distance by doing a lap around the river. Clair and I even ran the dirt track and I wasn't even that puffed. Mind you the first 1km we both ran we both took off like a bull at a gate and then I had to slow it down to a more respectable 6min/km pace. Much much better. But my body this morning is feeling great. Apart from the usual heaviness - there is no pain anywhere and I feel as happy as a kid in a candy shop.

And because I am still at the beginning phase I decided now would be a good time to wean myself into a brand new spanking pair of Newtons - Lady Isaac's. Check out how pretty they are.

I'm sure they won't stay this clean for too long.

So, as I look back at my first week of Yeppoon training - I think I am doing pretty good. My stomach is holding up really well and there is absolutely no pain to speak of, other than muscular aches. I am stoked. Looks like another perfect day out there - so it's off to ride my bike again with the Wednesday morning group. I have missed them so much. 

Check

Things are looking good for me at the moment and I really couldn't be happier. My body, although sore and letting me know it is back into training is thriving on doing some form of activity everyday. 

My bike ride on Sunday was awesome. I loved every minute of it and think I was smiling from ear to ear. The freedom you feel on the bike is unlike anything else. I can really only compare it to the freedom I feel in the water - the tranquility just gives me a really good feeling. That is until I get to a hill and then my legs quickly remind me how inept I am at them, and my puffing and panting can be heard Im sure from kilometres away. 

"Bubba" the Cannondale was an absolute gem. Now Im not sure if it was because I had fresh legs or the fact that he is just brand spanking new gears, new chain, being a TT bike or what - but I felt faster. Im sure it was in my head and I was just feeling all giddy but it is such a smooth ride. Changing gears takes a bit of getting used to. I was constantly tapping in my brakes to change my gears and then would have a little chuckle to myself - GET IT RIGHT BARB.

When I got home after a short 35km ride I was on Cloud 9. The weather was just perfect. Not a cloud in the sky and great company. What more could I have asked for. I really feel like I am making my way back. I have missed it so so much. Here is another shameless self portrait - just in case you have forgotten what I look like.

Then yesterday I went for my first swim post surgery. I was really excited albeit tentative to get in the water. I thought I may have a bit of an issue and I did. Nothing big but I had trouble getting the full length of my stroke in. It seems my stomach muscles are a bit tight and I could feel it everytime I would take a stroke with my right arm. It wasn't painful, just tight and my abdomen would fatigue and then my core would sag and I didnt feel like I was sitting up high in the water.

I asked Yas if I could pop my flippers on and do the set with them on. It did made it much easier to do the session and i was happy to do 2.7km for my first swim back. Now a day later I have no pain in my abdomen but my pecs, lats, tri's and delt's are saying - "Welcome back to the pool Barb". 

I have been religiously doing my strength and conditioning sessions from Sparta and have altered the training program from last years Yeppoon program from TopNotch to suit where I am at. So with everything at my fingertips, I should make it to Yeppoon and finish feeling really proud of all my effort. My aim is not to be back to how I was this time last year, but rather accomplish something I had my sight's set on close to 12 months ago and say to myself at the end - YOU DID IT BARB. 

Now let's bring on another run.

Green light

So I have been given the green "Go ahead" light from the surgeon, much to my relief. I had been hanging real bad to be able to train again. Well really, not even to train but to just get out and be a part of it. Something I have missed terribly. However, that being said YES I do have to start training as the Yeppoon 70.3 is just around the corner and I MUST finish this. It is something I have my sights set on and I WILL finish it - regardless of the time.

I did my first run back this last Thursday and although small - 3.5km (a mix of walk and run) it was still positive. My abdomen did not hurt one bit and I had to slow myself down. A 5:40 pace is not something I was expecting after almost 1yr of no running. So I pulled the reigns tight and ran at a pace close to a walk and finished it with a smile on my dial that was priceless. 

That night I rejoined Sparta's Strength and Conditioning Class. I have asked Jen to help me get my Core and body as strong as possible in the time we have for Yeppoon. So not only will I be attending my regular Thursday night class I am now doing a weekly programme as well. Combine this with my programme that I am using from TopNotch I think I am giving myself every opportunity to succeed in finishing the 70.3 at Yeppoon in 8 weeks time. Yeah, I know I am cutting it fine but I HAVE to do this race. I cannot and WILL not let it win again. 

So the following morning I woke up slightly sore (not in my belly) but my legs. I think they were in complete shock with what I had put them through the day before and it wasn't even anything really big. But I guess starting from zero has it's draw backs. The advantage is that this has not deterred me or frightened me in the least bit and I am hanging to start training again. Bring on Monday I say. 

Well actually BRING ON tomorrow. I get on my bike and I could not be happier. Not only because it has been ages but also because for the last 4 weeks I have been staring at my baby BUBBA the Cannondale longing for the day that I can ride it - and here it is. Tomorrow, I shall take him out and the 2 of us shall start getting acquainted with one another. I can't wait. how exciting. Are you excited? I am!!!!!

Stay tuned as I let you know how I go on my first ride back POST OP. Should be interesting. Fingers crossed the belly agrees. It should.

Leaps and bounds

I am feeling FANTASTIC. Really, truly I am. I could very much head out the door on a slow jog for a few (well maybe 2) kilometres and know that it wouldn't hurt. It is such a good feeling to know that the healing process is well and truly under way and that I can now feel really positive about moving forward. And I know that I still have to take it easy, but I must admit I have to remind myself quite regularly that I have had surgery some 15 days ago. 

It takes every bit of self restraint to not pick up the laundry basket full of clothes to take out to the clothes line, or vacuum the carpet. And whilst I would normally beg and plead to have help when I am able to do it, now that I cannot - I want to do it all myself. And so whilst I feel frustrated about "said situation" - I shall walk. Walk, and walk and walk like Forrest Gump. So much so I have this week walked 17km. And it has made me very happy indeed.

When I am exercising I am ALIVE. It's true what they say about exercise and endorphins " Endorphins are the body’s natural feel good chemicals, and when they are released through exercise, your mood is boosted naturally" - Natural Therapies Pages. After every walk - actually pretty soon after starting I feel fantastic. I soon forget about the fact that at this moment I am limited in what I can do and start focusing on the things that I can do. And I can WALK, and pretty fast too I might add. I put my headphones on and I am off, nothing is holding me back.

So still having this weekend ahead of me, I am looking forward to a couple more walks should the weather hold up. Looks like we have a few rain clouds starting to brew. And if the heavy rain decides to start then I guess I am starting a new form of the "Clothesline Diet" - the "Verandah Diet". Please Mother Nature - save me from getting dizzy.

Fingers crossed I get the all clear next Friday at the Doc's. 

Fingers crossed everyone.