Be gone.

To the the "low headspace" and the "physical fatigue". I hadn't wanted you around in the first place. You tried ever so hard to take a hold but it is with extreme jubilation that I say farewell to thee.

The last week was for me by far the toughest. Harder than any training session I had done. Harder than any race I have gone in. Atleast when you are training or racing you have an end in sight. The end of the tunnel is there and you can see it you just have to work to getting there. But when you feel so down in all sense of the word and really don't have a reason as to why - it is hard to stay focused in trying to stay in control.

Your mind is really good at playing tricks on you and makes you question your strength and resolve. The fatigue which is associated with it all feels downright depressing. I should have listened when my coaches, family and friends kept telling me to take a rest. But I felt so good and physically I felt on top of the world. However I guess my slump hit a month late and when it hit - it hit HARD. Even if I wanted to get out there - I just couldn't. And the more I tried to analyse why it was I was feeling the way I was, the worse I felt.

With all my sulking and momentary seclusion from the world I came across this really good piece of literature sent through from my coach. Everything on it is what I was and am still to some degree feeling. Click here to have a read. I have never been good at listening when people tell me to stop and rest but it seems I have no other alternative for now.

So now I am being forced to rest. I have had 90% of last week off and now all of this week as well and in a way even though at first I saw it as a complete imposition - I am now relishing in the rest. I have gone for some leisurely walks, spent some serious time catching up with my family/friends and have just come back from a wonderful night away in the hills with the family.

And we also got spoilt to some good food. I love cooking.

Have I missed training? Initially yes (like crazy) and then the need to train fizzled. But I am so happy to report that I am feeling the need to get back into it from deep down inside each and every cell. I am longing to get back out with my friends on the roads and tracks. I am yearning for that camaraderie and feeling of mateship.

I need to make sure I behave for this week as I have Yeppoon to train for and I need to be fighting fit for it. It seems the old Barb is resurfacing. She couldn't hide for too long.

Free your mind.

"Surely there is grandeur in knowing that in the realm of thought, at least, you are without a chain; that you have the right to explore all heights and depth; that there are no walls nor fences, nor prohibited places, nor

sacred corners in all the vast expanse of thought"

Robert Green Ingersoll

It couldn't possibly be.

Could it? This late in the game? Surely not! But not sure what else it could be. Could this post race slump happen so many weeks after an event? As it has never happened to me before after a swim event it has me quite stumped. For the last 3 weeks it has been and on again off again saga - one minute I feel okay and on top of the world and then the next I feel sad, tired and lacking of enthusiasm.

This has me very worried considering that as of next week I start my training again for Yeppoon. When I think back to how I was feeling for Port training - enthused, ecstatic, bubbling with excitement - this is NOT how I am feeling at the moment. Right at this very moment I feel - NOTHING. Actually, I lie - I feel overwhelmed. Engulfed would probably be a more fitting word.

This feeling seems to be having negative side effects on my emotional well being. I am normally a happy, cheery person who can tackle a million and one things and still come out on top, and somehow at the moment I feel like everything is coming on top of me. And it's probably not - actually if I was to look at it with non-judgemental eyes, it really isn't but it is the feeling of treading water that I don't like.

I like waking up and knowing that I am on top of everything and that I am in control. However, when I wake up feeling overwhelmed before the day has even started - that is not a good thing in my books. I think I need to cut me some slack and know that it's okay to not feel 100% all the time - day in and day out.

I was even working on a little project which I was excited about and have decided to not go ahead with it at the moment as it would just be something else to think about, and if I couldn't give that 100% the way I do everything else then I would feel disappointed. So, it is on hold. Till I am thinking clearer and back to being Barbie.

But I am still left to wonder - is this a delayed POST RACE SLUMP?

On the road again.

Oh how I have missed my blog. It has been a full week since I last posted and that has never happened since I started in this Blogger world. It's not that I haven't had anything to write about - God only knows that to not be the truth - it's just that life has gotten so busy. And not really sure with what. I guess life just has a way of picking up the tempo for a bit to see if you have what it takes.

I am still doing training - and by training I mean not following a plan yet, but I am still getting out most days and enjoying just being out there. For instance - last Sunday I went out for our regular chick ride. It was good to be out with Cloe and Elissa and just enjoy the ride and eachother's company. I managed to get a little snap of us out on our ride:

We ended up riding just a little over 52km that morning and even though I didn't feel too crash hot as I have been giving my legs quite a workout I still was able to hold a reasonable pace. If I can still talk and laugh then I know I am doing good.

Then on Monday was our regular Windtrainer session with TopNotch. There was to be no run off the bike that night - talk about torrential downpour all day. It was a complete shocker. But the session was really intense. We ended up doing 4 x 10 mins set broken up into - 5mins small ring easy gear high cadence over 95, then 5mins big ring, gear which will maintain cadence over 95. I haven't worked that hard in ages. I mean I am normally quite quiet when I train(I know hard to believe) - but I don't grunt or make any kinds of sounds but Monday night had me sighing in pain on the very last set. Talk about burning legs. PHWOAR.

Then Tuesday I spent the morning enjoying a really nice swim with Susan and Melanie. Both are training for the new Tri Season. Melanie is going to tackle her first Triathlon - this is very exciting indeed. During this swim session I ended up swimming 2.5km broken into sets of 250's. Some of them were straight Fr/s whilst others were with pullbouy, paddles, flippers, Bk/s. I also got to use my new goggles - the Vorgee Tomahawk. I love the name - they sound fast. Better still they match my Tri suit.

Wednesday I headed out with the girls again for the usual bunch ride. What a great bunch of woman they are. We were also joined by one of their husband's who I found out knew my husband. What a small small world this is. I ended up riding 62.5km and loved every minute of it. And the best bit was that the rain held out right up until almost the very last minute when I got sprinkled on for a mere 5 mins.

Then yesterday I joined Genelle, Kristen and Bec for another trail run. This one hurt bad. I ended up running just shy of 12kms in 1hr 17mins but let me tell you - there was one hill in amongst it all that had me walking quite a bit. But with all my walking and lagging behind the girls would track back and collect me and make sure I was okay. Check out the elevation. This was by far the hardest challenge for me not just physically but mentally as well as that hill and road never seemed to finish. But I did it. And a year ago I never thought I could run - now look at me - I am a trail runner. How cool is that. I can see some new goals starting to appear.

How could I also forget to mention my first strength and core class with Sparta. I had an absolute ball. Haven't laughed that hard in ages. Aside from working very hard there were moments of complete hysterical laughter. Check this photo out:

This is me doing my very best impersonation of a Space Invader crossed with a crab and Sarah trying to shoot me down with the VIPR. Can't wait to go again next week.

Today is my rest day and I am heading out to find myself a dress for the PTC end of year ball.

Do you have days?

My training hasn't even started for Yeppoon yet and I can feel the urge to get out growing ever stronger. I have taken up going for group activities with the girls from the club. Wednesday group rides and today I did my first trail run. But firstly lets speak about the Wednesday bike ride.

Talk about windy. The weather bureau had forecasted an extreme weather warning for Sydney with gusts of winds being recorded over 90km/hr coming from the South and heading North. Which meant if we were not going to get the full brunt of it atleast we were going to get a good taste of windy weather.

I was in 2 minds about going. Firstly because I don't like wind at all and secondly because it can pose some serious risk to your health if you are caught off guard. But when all the girls turned up primed and ready to go - I bit the bullet and went along, even though deep deep down I was nervous. Did I need to be nervous? No.

Yes, the ride was windy and challenging at times but it wasn't as bad as I had expected. The route that we took was chosen to provide maximum shelter from the wind and enhance the advantages of tailwinds on the way back. The route was about 60km in distance and one of the girls Kelly decided she would like to have a crack at the Greendale route. I remember my first time and fully understood how nervous she was and I did the hills with her. She conquered those hills with such strength, resilience and a smile and everyone was so happy for her in conquering such a mammoth ride. Well done Kelly - we are very proud of you.

Then yesterday I decided to have a go at my first ever trail run. WOW, what an amazing morning. Talk about exhilarating and challenging. For the first time ever I felt like a hard core runner. I felt like one of the pack - and I will never ever forget that feeling. It was my best friend Susan's first attempt at trail running too and let me tell you she totally nailed it.

Little did I know what lay ahead in challenges for me. As Genelle turned up, then her son and his friend and then Kristen - we headed off for a warm up run before the real trail running started.

Entrance to the trail.

As we stopped at this bridge is was time for a stretch and then we got cracking up my first set of challenges. STAIRS. This was not easy - whilst I saw them all bound up those stairs like gazelles I grabbed onto the rail and pulled myself up one by one until the steep stairs levelled out and it then became a bit of a slow slog up the rest till the top. This trail running business is definitely an art form.

Once it levelled out up the top and my heart rate dropped below heart attack range - Genelle sent her son and his friend to do stair repeats - OUCH. The rest of us went for a run - a run which I can only describe as glorious. The smells, sights, sounds made my senses come alive. The crackling of dry leaves under foot, the smell of eucalyptus was thick in the air and there were some strange scurrying sounds nearby which I knew could only belong to lizards or mice as it was too cold for snakes.

I tried really hard to stay focused on the ground in front of me as there was a myriad of rocks at every placement of my foot. Some were embedded deep within the ground, others were loose and laying on top. There were big rocks, little rocks, crushed sandstone, twigs, fallen branches, roots - you name it, and I needed to not be falling on any of them. I needed to make each of my footfalls light and try to stay on my forefoot as much as possible. It worked - thanks Kristen. But I must admit the mental concentration was starting to outweigh the physicality of it all. My goal was - don't twist your ankle.

Once at the top - this was the majestic view we had to take in.

And I got to share it with these wonderful women.

The thing I like about trail running is that it is not about speed but rather the amount of time spent running. I can see the physical benefits that you would gain from doing this once a week and how much stronger I will be as a result of it. I could feel my hamstrings and calf muscles really working overtime. You don't even really realise the distance you are covering because you are just enjoying what nature has to offer.

The remainder of the run saw us meandering through some more bush but then going through suburban streets and parks. We finished off down a nice stretch of sealed road which was totally closed off to traffic. The one thing I realised running down hill is how easy it is to get a stitch. I must bounce around too much and not hold my core firm. Oh well, was a good opportunity to stop and get a photo.

So we finished up running 10.6km in about 1hr 15mins. I was so happy and proud of Susan. This was not only her first time trail running but it was also her furthest distance running. She is trying to work her way up to Half Marathon distance and at this rate she could well run a Marathon before too long. Thanks for a wonderful morning ladies. Looking forward to next week already.

"You'll never discover new horizons if you're afraid to leave the shore"

What inspires you?

Since starting on this journey of mine, the goal posts on many of my dreams have changed more times than I would like to count. The one's however that has stayed consistent through it all has been maintaining my fitness and to continue taking steps forward. These have been like the slab of a house - strong and sturdy throughout it all. Each step I take forward makes me stronger, healthier and happier - but it also takes me one step further away from the old me - the sick me of 2 yrs ago.

On Dailymile today one of the missions was to show other DM'ers what inspired you? And this is what I came up with?

And what inspires me is to continue setting goals consecutively so I can continue to move forward. I want to stay fit and healthy because it's what makes me happy. And aside from my family and friends whom I love dearly and who all have only my best interests at heart- nothing gives me greater pleasure than to work my way towards something which I never thought I could do. It proves to me that I am capable of whatever it is I set my mind to do.

"When you passion and your purpose is

greater than you fears and excuses

You will find a way"

I don't make excuses for myself anymore - there's no need to really. I have already proven to myself more times than not that I can and the only one who holds me back IS ME. And sure some things scare me and overwhelm me - like waiting to get into the water at Port, but allowing myself to enjoy each and every opportunity that come's before me whether they be easy or hard makes me realise more and more that life at this very given moment should be grasped with both hands and made the most of. Life is there for the taking - what have you got to lose?

This weekend was one such opportunity too good to miss. Not because I participated in the event but I got to be on the other side of the fence as photographer at our clubs first Duathlon of the season.

I loved cheering everyone on and taking photos - many were very bad (hence the reason I am not a paid photographer) however many others after some good editing turned out not too shabby. I was quite happy with my efforts - and let me tell you I was huffing and puffing running from one vantage point to the next to make sure I didn't miss out on anyone - which I am sure I still did.

Watching people riding inspired me to get more focused on my bike. To maybe change the set up on it and make it slightly more aggressive. Which is what I did this morning. Nothing is ever too much for the boys at Panther Cycles, Dave had me all set up in a jiffy and then I got to have a good chat with Blanche - that was nice. I'm looking forward to getting out this Wednesday with the girls and testing it out and seeing how it all feels. There is still more room to move with the bars should I feel I would like to come down further. But lets see after Wednesday.

So what inspires you?

Kickin' it.

What an absolutely wonderful day today has been so far. Sore throat is settling thanks to Diflam and I got to go out for a run with my bestie Susan. What more could a girl want. Feeling kind of lucky and special that I get to enjoy the middle of the days like this.

Running with Susan today highlighted a couple of things:

• My average pace per km has gotten faster. My 5min/km now feels easy. I wasn't ever expecting to feel that.
• I even ran for a bit at 4:30 pace due to simply changing my foot strike. I am a notorious heel striker as well as hip wobbler, but today I got serious on my form and lo and behold my pace got faster. Funny that. And it didn't even hurt to run at that pace either.
• Susan was looking to me to be her pacer as she wants to train up to a Half Marathon. Now anyone who knows my bestie Susan knows that she is a gun at running and runs like a gazelle. But she wanted me to show her a pace that could be sustainable for that longer distance. I felt honoured to be able to help - she has always been my sounding board on the running side of things.
• I now feel comfortable to accept people's compliments when they say I am a runner. Mind you I still think I run funny.

We finished running 8km in 40mins. I was very very happy with this considering this is my longest run since Port 70.3. Looks like Winter training is going to go great. I should hopefully finish up my training for Yeppoon a stronger, much more competent runner - fingers crossed.

Today was also great because one of my blog postings made it on the Dailymile BLOG. Check it out here: CODE BROWN. I know this has happened to nearly everyone I have spoken to and thought I would share the love with you all with a little scientific knowledge behind why we need to go when we need to go. Hope it makes you giggle.

I also forgot to mention that I got a new hairdo on Monday by my friend Jennie. Absolutely love love love it. It had been months since I got a colour done - yes I'd had trims but a colour and some sprucing up is just what this gal needed.

We are already in discussions about the next DO. Stay tuned.

Good thing is the kids love it and so does Stephen. God only knows they have seen and tolerated my many different hairstyles which I change at a whim - but this one is definitely a STAYER in their eyes.

How has your day been?

Now off I go to finish my housework.